I am a bad blogger

but I just put in my 2 weeks notice at my job at the mall which is slowly sucking my soul right out of the bottoms of my skinny jeans.
That means I will definitely not have an excuse for neglecting my blog soon!!!!

xoxo
hh

I Suck Stripper Cock

I apologize for slacking on my blogging; school has just started and I have been working a lot as well and this leaves little time for anything else other then sleeping.

But, amidst all the mayhem of the last few weeks, many wonderful/creepy/super sexy/slutty things have happened.

It was the week of gay pride and I had set a secret goal for myself to find a hot lezzie and have sex with her. Well, that didn't exactly work out, in fact quite the opposite. It was the last Sunday of pride after the parade. Me and my homo, J.C., were walking up and down the street in the village soaking in all the festivities and gayness. We got a little bored so we decided to go to a strip club and we all know how I like them strip clubs.

We walk in, go up the steep stairs and take a seat right by the stage. Not even five minutes after we sit down, I get approached by a stripper who tells me his name is Domenique. At first I didn't understand why he was talking to me and flirting with me and completely ignoring my friend. But after a few dancers had gone on stage I noticed that all the cock(and there was a lot of cock) was gravitating towards me. Every dancer was giving me the eye fuck and pretty close to a face fuck. (I think I forgot to mention this club is full nude)

I take a look around and I am the only classy lady in this place, except for this loud, drunk girl who had been abandoned by all her friends and was sitting front and center. But I am going to be honest and not at all full of myself, I was wayyyyy hotter then her. We actually sort of bonded later in the night, but that is irrelevant. All of the strippers were straight and it was very obvious. My friend said that he was never going to be bring me here again. He wanted cock in his face. Jealous much C.J.?

We have been at the strip club for probably and hour or so and I have been personally approached by 2 different strippers and too many times by our good friend Domenique. He kept asking me if I wanted a lap dance, but I really didn't, not from him at least. Of all of the strippers he had the best body but he also had gay face(yanno, when you just look at someone's smile and you know they are gay). Although I am certain he wasn't gay, he didn't really hit the spot.

The next stripper on the stage is Jamie; he was by far the best dancer. His body was ok, but he had the sleaze appeal. He danced in front of me for most of his song and then later approached me and asked if I wanted a lap dance. I said yes, and this is just the beginning of a very naughty night.

He takes me by the hand and leads me to these privates booths. He talks me into doing two songs for $20 in the super-private booths that have a curtain so no one can see what's going on inside. He takes off all his clothes. And the lap dance begins.

There was grinding:
grinding against my thighs
grinding against my hips
grinding against my chest
grinding against my face

There was cock:
on my face
on my tits
in my lap

There was kissing:
wet kisses on my lips
wet kisses on my neck
wet kisses on my ear
wet kisses on my chest
wet kisses on my tits

There was touching:
EVERYWHERE

I could tell he dried off with an old towel this morning because I smell the mildew on him... mmmm gotta love that sleaze.

I hate that feeling I get when I am turned on and I know there very little I can do about it (my vagina literally hurts) and I just have to wait for the blood to come back to my brain so I can start to think clearly again and I am no longer blinded by the red haze of lust.

So, I made out with the stripper and I groped the stripper...all over.

Once the infinite two songs ended, he asked me for my number. I gave it to him for some reason. I mean, he is an attractive man, but super sleazy. I think that is why I liked him in the first place. The dated eyebrow ring, drug store hair highlights and tattoos that were only cool in 2003, what can I say, I like 'em sleazy.

For the rest of the timeless evening he kept coming up to me and was really touchy-feely and flirty. He kept reiterating that he was going to call me next weekend. I wasn't counting on it because, well, he is a stripper, he probably says that shit to everyone to get better tips and more lap dances.

Anyways, I go outside to smoke a cigarette with him. We go across the street to this vacant, grassy lot with random benches and make out. I didn't really understand why he was being so affectionate, but I didn't really care. I was just going with it. Before we go back inside he tells me his shift is almost over and he is going to give me a free dance. Once again, he leads me to the private booths in the back and takes off all of his clothes. He was grinding once again and his hard cock was right by my mouth, so I stuck it in my mouth. I don't really know why. I am pretty indifferent to giving head. It isn't anything I really enjoy or really mind doing either. I just want to be clear and say that I definitely was not that girl in high school who gave the whole football/baseball/racquetball team blow jobs (not that there is anything wrong with doing that). But his cock was in my face and irresistible. So, I gave a stripper a blow job. I shocked myself that night and I was pretty impressed with my own slut-factor.

The dance ended and I go and find my friend who had been bitterly putting back beers filled with jealousy over the 'whole not having a vagina and thus not getting any attention from the strippers' thing. I run up to him and whisper, "We have got to get the fuck out of here right now." He throws back his beer and we get up to leave. I tell him on the walk home why we had to leave and starts laughing and says that he would have totally done the same. That made me feel better, but not as good as sucking a strippers cock felt.

Things to Come

I know it's been a while; I haven't even logged into my account for a month!

My life has no purpose without my blog, jk.

I know this blog is anonymous, but I have this tendency to disclose information about myself when it is not necessary, this blog is a good example of how I do that. But I am referring to people who actually know that I display my secrets on the internet. As one can imagine, I have to censor what I say sometimes... my last post for example... oops!

Like I say, no hard feelings ya'll!

Lots has happened since my last post.

So here is a list of super sexy thing that will be up shortly (this list is not in chronological order):
-This one time I gave a stripper a blow job while getting a lap dance
-I later fucked his trashy ass(the stripper)
-I made out with this super cute guy from my class at the park for 2 hours
-I got drinks with this Italian guy with nice bone structure who is also in that same class

These are all things to come in the near future...

ps. I is a whore.

pss. I use bad grammar on purpose.

~hh

Please Slap My Ass One More Time

Wow. I don't even know where to start really. It has been a very odd 2 weeks. It is like the polls have switched and everyone has been knocked on their ass.
So I am going to start bitching about everything that is weird and then I am going to get into my really fucked up and not at all sexy night.

So, I will be honest, after my polling and thinking about hookers and such, I felt really awkward and unlike myself. The entire discussion was beginning to make me feel uncomfortable. I know I asked for outside opinion, but instead I was feeling bullied and didn't really receive the kind of response I was looking for. So, that made me feel weird.

I found out a friend of mine has epilepsy. She doesn't know that I know. I was overwhelmed with such empathy and pain when I heard. She can never drive again. She takes lots of pills three times a day and will continue too for the rest of her life. I want to cry for her.

I also found out shortly after, that a friend of mine from high school OD-ed and is in a coma with no brain function. I didn't know he did drugs. He was a really funny, charismatic guy. We were really good friends in the 9th grade. He got a little too cool shortly after and frankly became sort of a douche. But everyone was an asshole in high school, so I am not holding it against him. That made me sad. I don't want to go to any more funerals.

I cut my finger when I was chopping carrots for my curry. Before I was even sure that I had cut it, I started freaking out. This rush of me being a total failure and not being able to handle this (minor) situation knocked into me before I even saw any blood. There was blood, but it wasn't that bad. My roommate helped me. He saw the crack in my facade. I am not as independent as I wish. Especially when there is blood and spiders involved.

I am homesick. My parents are fucking crazy (no seriously), but I miss those bastards and their kooky ways.

My roommate started going back out with his ex. She hates my guts because she thinks I like him. Which is not true. We get along really great, that is it. So, she is bitch to me in my own house and refuses to acknowledge me. My roommate is a pussy and does nothing about it. We don't make curry like we used to anymore. As if I want her sloppy seconds... No thanks.

That guy who got decapitated on the bus to Winnipeg. What the fuck?!? I told a girl that I work with the story as I was shocked that she hadn't heard. She took it worse than I did. I had no idea the impact that story was going to have on her. It was and still remains a very fucked up, random, tragedy that makes my skin start crawling off my body to go hide in the closet (that is where I like to go when I am upset).

Yeah, so everything is weird.

Here is my comic relief/disbelief/wtf!!!

I get off of work last night and I am ready to take the town on. I haven't had a night out in a very long time. I go over to my old apartment because there were people coming in from all out of town. (This part of the story is really not important, so I am just going to skip through it)

So, I was about to go home when 3 girls from Ontario ask me if I want to go to the bar with them. I say yes. I already knew this night was going to be total debauchery and madness. We get to the bar and I spot two guys who are in my summer school class. We join them and order some pitchers.

Last Call.

"Hey, you ladies want to go listen to some records at my place", said the gent with the blue shirt from my class.
It sounds just as cheesy as it reads on paper.
We go outside the bar to smoke and we hung out there for about ten minutes. Meanwhile some drunk guy in black, leather shorts(the really short kind) starts talking to us. Then he shows us his ass (about 10 times), while showing his wiener to the post-party gridlock on the street.

I think it is time for us to go listen to some records.

We get to this guys apartment and it seems that the party had already started with out us. I walk into the narrow hallway debating whether or not to take my shoes off. I look up and stop dead.
"Hey?!"
"I was wondering when I was going to run into you again." Said the familiar face in front of me.
"Yeah, me too. Awkward."
It was Mister Toes.
Every time I go out to the particular bar that we were at earlier in the evening, I think to myself, today is the day when I run into him. Last night was the night. I never prepared myself or thought about what I was going to do when the day came, but I knew it was coming. My lack of preparation explains my total awkwardness. We talked for a bit and caught up. I wanted to punch him in the face and then fuck him, again. I would even let him slap my ass if that is what would make him happy. I wanted to touch him. I really need to get over this guy.
Anyways, we walk into a smoky living room with 8 guys in there who are listening to records and snorting (lots of) coke. We drink, we talk and we are all merry. We decide to go home. The sun was coming out. I hate going to bed after the sun has rose. It isn't natural.

Too Hot for My Own Ego

Well, that last ditty sure did get a large response, more than I anticipated. The debate seems to be getting too heated and I am tired of the anonymous, online bickering about the mundane details of my query.
I have reached my decision. I am NOT going to have sex with a 'high end escort' or as I like to put it simply, a hooker. At least not right now. I am way too hot to have to pay for sex(Not to imply that only unattractive people pay for sex). Me and one of my fags talked it over and we decided when I am 40 and I still haven't had sex with a woman, then I will get a hooker.
I can just pick up a hot lezzie at the 'the lesbian pool hall' down the street; and pride starts in a week anyways. I am young, good looking and charismatic. I think I can make this happen if I really want it to.
So there you have it.

Discussion over.
I will still leave the poll up just for fun!

Have a good day!

Thanks for everyones input.
~hh

Serious Brazilian Butt

After my last post, yanno, the one about me wanting to get it on with a stripper/hooker/some hot bitch, I received an email from a reader/blogger. We have communicated before and we live pretty close to each other (An hour or so bus ride). We have met once for coffee and he is a stand up gent who is in his 50's(I think).
After reading my last post, he has offered to hook me up with some "hot Brazilian hooker". I will just paste the email so you can see for your self.

Loved your blog today...if you're serious about hooking up with a beautiful woman there is one down here who is absolutely amazing and she likes girls too.....see my blog under pretty penny (serious brazilian butt)...many describe her as a PSE (porn star experience)...I could hook you up if you're serious...I'd have to check her availability...you could come up on the train and I could make it happen
think about it

I have been thinking about it and I really don't know how I feel about the situation. I Don't know if, A. I can handle some "serious Brazilian Butt" B. I Actually believe that what I have obsessively been fantasizing about can become a reality.

So, take the poll and let me know what ya'll think!
I know ultimately the choice is mine but I would really like some outside input and this isn't exactly something I want to bring up with my friends... they might think I am weird.
And the last option isn't an option at all!!!! I just put that there for fun.

xoxo
~hh

Just Your Average Saturday

As I mentioned in my last post, I bought a vibrator and I have been slacking on my blogging because I have been too busy masturbating. Of course, this is after I researched to make sure that there is nothing wrong with masturbating too much. I can't believe that I bought a stupid myth like "clitoral desensitization". Sorry, but I really like playing with my vagina. It just feels so nice... all the time... on my clit... I want it.
Anyways!

Another first of mine occurred a few weeks ago while I was visiting my family somewhere in the US. On this glorious Saturday morning, me and my friends, which I will refer to as Maw and Paw, woke up only slightly hungover and decided to spend the day looking at titties while enjoying beers and smokes. Oh yes, we went to a strip club. I had never been and Maw and Paw have been to a slightly alarming handful of them (They just had way too many, "So, this one time we went to this strip club" stories).

We went to two different places. The first place had a cheap cover but pricey drinks(average price for a strip club though). It was very classy joint with and log cabin motif. We stayed there for about an hour and decided to hit up another place. The second club had a free cover and happy hour drink specials. We stayed there until I could see tomorrow, or it felt like that at least. This joint had three different stages which were occupied at all times. We were literally surrounded by tits!

I have never been a boob person myself. My own breasts are rather small(A cup. Woot! Woot!) and I have never really minded that they are small either; I like them that way. Now, after going to strip club, all I can think about is touching boobies. I feel like a 15 year old boy(I am not even joking a little bit). BOOBS!!! All the time, all over the place! I have caught myself staring at other women's breasts on more than one occasion. I think I have a problem.

So, the day progressed and apparently the rule of going to a strip club your first time is that you MUST go and tip one of the gorgeous dames. I know I said I feel like a 15 year old boy because I want to touch boobies, but on this Saturday, I WAS a 15 year old boy. I could not keep my shit together. I couldn't stop giggling and I had no idea where I was supposed to be looking. And I felt really awkward.

So, I did as I was told and tipped the nice lady for taking off her clothes in front of complete strangers and she rubbed her boobs in my face and I said thank you. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and said , "No, thank you baby". I walked away with stripped stank all over me(yanno, the perfect combo of cheap perfume, ciggies, and sweat that can only be achieved by taking off your clothes in a dark, smokey room, aka the greatest smell in the world).

Soon after I tipped the lady I decided that it would not be a complete strip club experience if I don't get a lap dance. This lap dance was not only the highlight of my day/week/month but probably my life. I have never experienced anything so titillating, or anything that excited me to my deepest core like this.

The girl comes and grabs me and takes me to a corner of the room and sits me in a really comfortable chair. She makes some small talk, like, "What are you guys doing here? Ya'll look a little out of place." I just told her it was Saturday. I tell her this is my first strip club experience and she got excited and took down her hair to give me the "full experience" and tells me to relax. So, the lap dancing ensues and I really didn't know what I should be feeling. There was the rush to all of my senses. Her stripper stank was so hot it made my ears ring and her skin was so smooth it smelled like babies(clean babies). She kept telling me to relax and she said I could touch. I didn't exactly know what that meant. So, I kept the "touching" to a minimum.
When her tits were touching my face I wanted to kiss them and suck on them. When her vag was in my face I wanted to stick my fingers in it. And altogether, I just really wanted to fuck her.
Then she blew in my crotch and I instantly felt a rush of blood and my box is left throbbing and sopping wet.
The lap dance was over wayyyyyy too soon. I paid her and that was it.
I go home to dinner with my folks that night and kept the chit-chat to a minimum because I didn't really feel like explaining why I was late for dinner. I was way too eager to go to bed that night because I needed to masturbate. I didn't have Suzie with me but I got my hands.

So, now here is my problem. I really want to have sex with a stripper. Or a girl who looks like a stripper or something like that. So far, my best looking option is to get a hooker. I am not looking for any sort of a relationship with a woman, I just really 'wanna hit it and quit it'. I think that is what the kids are saying these days in regards to casual sex.
And I am in no way above paying for sex.

Strippers are the greatest people alive!!!!!!!!!!

PS. Loovya.com is new dating site and they have granted me free trial memberships to my readers. So, If anyone wants a free membership, send me an email and I will tell you what to do.
And check out my blog on their site. I say pretty much the same thing but different.